Taking it easy

I blew my supposed "back to writing" deadline last week, and aside from moderate feelings of guilt that I'd let people down, nothing happened. Nobody complained, and in all likelihood, nobody even noticed. This site has had one view this week, from somebody in Australia who was searching for "help I turned into a" (something surprising, I'll bet, since they got Chapter 7 with the tentacle monster). So not a peep of discontent because nobody's really paying attention, anyway. Honestly, that's disappointing, but not really a surprise, either. Since I've started posting here, I've had one actual comment.

But then, a novel doesn't necessarily lend itself to this format, does it? You can't just jump in at the middle, and so you have to find Chapter One, and then read all this stuff at your computer screen or phone or whatever. Nobody's ever heard of me; why take the chance on this guy? It may be disappointing that I'm not the next Neil Gaiman overnight, but it's hardly a surprise. Neil worked his ass off to get where he is today: he didn't start off being Neil Gaiman. No, he wrote because he loved it and it was a job and he loved it and he couldn't stop even if he tried.

I haven't got the "job" piece yet, but I do love it. Writing has been with me since I was a little kid; it's never going to let go. But I've got other stuff going on in my life, other things I want to work hard at, and only so many hours in the day. If I've learned anything since becoming a parent, it's that life is a balancing act. I'm balancing.

I'm absolutely still going to be posting here. Jaspar and friends will someday come to the end of their journeys. And I'm even going to try to put new stuff up on Wednesdays.

But I'm doing it for myself, in my own time, and I'm leaving the guilt behind.

Fairy Tale

"Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten." ~ G.K. Chesterton

Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Kieran.

Every night, The Bad Thing would happen to him. His parents - loved and trusted - would abandon him inside a wooden cage, to fend for himself against the Night Visions. He would lay there, curled into a little ball, trying to be brave while the blackness of the room crept over his eyes and into his mind and it all began again.

Inevitably, he would wake up, visions of teeth and sharpness scampering away, promising to return as soon as his wails died down and his parents left him again.

"You can't escape us," they would say. "We are where you go when you sleep."

His parents, well-meaning but bumbling and clueless idiots with no idea what terrors lurked in the dark, were of no use. They would barely make it through another night as serpents and scorpions hissed and stung all through the gloom, and would wonder, bleary-eyed, at how after no sleep Kieran could seem so happy to see the day break again.

One night, instead of the usual cautionary tale about not eating rotten breakfast products with a goat on a boat - in which the protagonist without fail gives in to peer pressure and suffers a massive hallucination when the tainted dairy short-circuits his visual cortex - Kieran heard a different story.

"Once upon a time," it began, "there was a little boy named Kieran."

As it turned out, in this story, the hero - who had the same name as the little boy! - found himself every night in a dark maze, with a terrible monster. The monster would chase the boy through the maze night after night, and only barely miss gobbling the boy up because he would wake up just in time. The little boy in the story was certain that one night, he would not wake up in time and would get gobbled up, and he was terrified.

"But," he said to himself, "if I just knew my way out of the maze, the monster couldn't get me."

So one night this little boy in the story that Kieran was hearing took a ball of string to bed with him. When he wound up in the maze, he did not run in a panic: he just tied the string to a rock and started letting it out behind him as he went. Whenever he came across a string in his travels through the maze, he doubled back and turned the opposite direction at the previous intersection. In no time, he was out of the maze, leaving a hungry monster behind to howl in impotent anger. When he woke up late in the morning, his parents were mystified at how their child had slept so late, and why there was a ball of yarn all tangled up throughout his crib.

Kieran liked this story very much, especially the part about the boy getting away from the monster. That night, his Night Visions were as bad as ever, but he got a thought: maybe I can get away.

The next night, he heard another new story, this one about an evil witch who chopped up little boys and made them into soup. But he also heard about how to trick the witch, and to escape from her. Night after night, he heard new stories, many of which were scary, but he listened hard, because he was sure that these were tales that would help him fight the monsters.

Then, one night, he found himself in a maze.

He panicked at first, because he certainly didn't have a ball of yarn. But he had heard another story, one involving breadcrumbs, and he discovered to his delight that he had a cache of Cheerios in his diaper. He laid these down as he went, and he was out of the maze in no time. He never even heard the monster.

He slept like a baby. The kind you read about in stories.

This story is a fairy tale, but one that I hope can be true nevertheless. In the meantime, sorry about the semi-erratic posting schedule. I'll try hard to stick with regular Wednesday posts, but please forgive me if I'm too tired to get up at four in the morning regularly when I'm up for three hours in the middle of the night.


Apologies: posting errors now fixed

It's come to my attention that some of the chapters I'd posted were not displaying properly when some of you tried to read them: they would just show the header image and no content.  That's not how it's supposed to work!  I was trying to be a bit too clever in how I brought things over from Google Docs, where I do my work on the actual chapters.  Clearly I wasn't quite clever enough. I really appreciate that anyone is taking their time to read my work, and want to make sure you get what you came for, every time.  I've re-posted all of the chapters, and confirmed that they are all displaying the way they should.  (The font is a little small on my monitor, but that's a result of the site design that I'm using... so the whole site may have a very different look and feel soon, because I do want you to be able to read what I've written!)

Here are links to the chapters that I've posted thus far.  Apologies for the problems, and I hope you enjoy them now that they're showing up properly!

Chapter One: http://cthulupunk.com/2011/08/03/chapter-one/

Chapter Two: http://cthulupunk.com/2011/08/08/chapter-two/

Chapter Three: http://cthulupunk.com/2011/08/09/chapter-three/

Chapter Four: http://cthulupunk.com/2011/08/11/chapter-four/

Chapter Five: http://cthulupunk.com/2011/08/12/chapter-five/

Chapter Six: http://cthulupunk.com/2011/08/13/chapter-six/